Thursday is Thanksgiving and for the first time in many years I will be making the trip from Michigan to PA to attend the annual family thanksgiving dinner. I can't even remember when I was last there with my husband and children with me.
My family is huge with all 8 kids married and having kids of their own. There is now a third generation with nieces and nephews having families of their own. The dinner is held at my parents house and the basement is just lined with tables or wood on saw horses. There are normally around 40-50 people there. Many of the youngest babies I have not yet met and I don't know these children.
My husband works in the travel industry. He always has to work during holidays as airports do not close and those are their busiest weeks of the year. It was a rare treat for my husband to actually have off this week. We decided to take advantage of that and go to PA and visit with my family.
We have two old vans. Neither of them are dependable to go long distances. I would be curious to see how far we got before having car problems if we drove one of these vans. We will not be taking that risk. We rented a car for the week. This is something we cannot afford to do and to have to pay gas on top of this practically "kills" us but we are going with full trust that Lord will provide all of our needs. At least we will have be able to stay with family so no hotel expenses.
What does this have to do with me being deaf? A lot! This is the first time I'm going "home" being 100% deaf. Before I had a hearing aid. I lost it a few months ago. That is a future blog. Without my hearing aid, I am completely deaf. I only hear very loud noises right next to my ear and I can feel (hear) myself talk. I will have to depend 100% on lipreading.
But I am blessed. My husband is hearing and I know he will interpret as much as he can. Bless his heart. My parents never learned to sign and have no interest in doing so. Both my parents are hard for me to lip read with my father being almost impossible as he has a hairlip. My oldest sister is deaf and of course signs. I will be able to communicate with her. Her husband and daughters are hearing but also sign. My next two older sisters only know finger spelling and they finger spell everything. My twin, who had a cochlear implant last December knows no sign at all and has no interest in being involved with the deaf world. She will always be a hearing person with a hearing problem. This would be the first time I am seeing her with her new implant so it will be interesting to see what changes it has brought to her life.
I do not like group situations. I do not like not knowing what is going on around me. This will happen a lot during the next few days. On Thursday I will be surrounded by people who will not make any effort to talk to me. I will definitely try to talk to them. Sometimes these situations make me literally sick and I end up in the bathroom just throwing up from stress. I am hoping that does not happen this time and I will relax and just go with the flow. It is helpful that my husband will be with me this year.
As I mentioned before, he normally works every holiday (unless it happens to fall on his normal days off). Since he works for an airline, the family flies for free on standby tickets. I have often flown home with my children on standby tickets. This works well but is a pain during holidays when flights are full and unpredictable. There have been times we were stuck in airports for hours and even overnight due to lack of available seats. This is a risk we take flying stand by. I'm not complaining. With four of us going to PA, we decided not to take the risk of flying standby.
My family likes to talk and talk and talk. I am normally lost within the first minute or two as the subject changes too fast. By the time I figure out what the subject is, they are talking about a new subject. This is very boring for me. For the most part, they are talking about things that are happening around their lives that I have no information about. My family is not very good at staying in touch with me or keeping me informed of things happening in their lives. I do try to email all of them with updates about my life and my kids but its not often I get a return email with their information. Now and then, yes but not often enough to be really involved with anything they are doing. I feel very left out in my family and while there is no bickering or tensions or anything negative of that sort between my 7 brothers and myself, I can honestly say none of them are close to me either and none of them can really say they know me. We are just blood related and see each other now and then. I do know if I needed something, I could probably ask any of them for help and they would do it - just because we are related.
I have lived out here in Michigan eleven years now. In 11 years, only my parents and my 2nd oldest brother have come to visit us. That's sad. I have been to all of their homes in the past 11 years. it seems like my husband and I have to do all the traveling if we want to see the family. They will not take the time or the expense to come visit us. Again, that is sad.
After we got married we lives a hour south from my where the majority of my family lives today. Even only an hour away, we had to do all the traveling. With the exception of my parents, no one visited us.
I don't know if the problem is me or what. I have given up figuring it out but it still bothers me. Perhaps we are boring people. We don't have a fancy house with a lot of "toys". Unfortunately, we do not even have a spare bedroom but we will gladly make room for visitors. My daughter will happily give up her bed. I would love to have my family come and visit me. Come and see what I do all day. Come and see what I see outside my back window when I wash the dishes. Come and see my town. Come and see where we do our shopping. Come and see the monthly ministry, Deaf Cafe, I'm involved with and in that way show a little interest in my life.
Five of my sisters and brothers still live very close to each other. Both my brothers attend one church and 3 of my sisters and their families plus my parents attend another church. They see each other at least once a week and call each other often on the phone. That group is very involved with each other lives.
Then my oldest sister lives in MD just outside Wash. DC and my youngest sister lives in S.C. They are both very involved with their professions and families. And me here in Michigan. Us three are isolated from the rest of the family. I guess that can be both good and bad.
So... anyways... tomorrow I'll be on the road driving towards PA. I just hope we are not ignored and someone there shows a little interest in my family and what we do with our lives. We sacrificed a lot of our time and money to go and I want to make it worthwhile for us. I want it to be a wonderful memory for my kids and my myself as well. I want to say,"I'm glad we went" while driving home on Sunday.
Being deaf in a hearing family can be very lonely as we are often pushed to the side. We stand along the walls and just watch the activity happening around us. We tend to be ignored and sometimes its just too much trouble to get into a conversation. How sad. I do want to end that while I am not very close to any of my brothers and sisters, I love them all and I know they love me too. There have been no arguing or falling outs or anything of that sort. We just sort of lost touch with each other in the busyness of living our lives and raising our families. Hopefully I can get back in touch again during the next few days and that goes for any family that is getting together on Thursday... doesn't matter if you are deaf or hearing.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Deaf and College Years
Many Deaf people find themselves going to Gallaudent University or RIT in Rochester when they think about college. Many of those who attend these schools were mainstreamed and entering the Deaf world for the first time when they go to college.
I did indeed consider Gallaudet and RIT for myself when I thinking about college. For different reasons, I decided not to go to either of those schools. Part of the reason was that at that time I still considered myself a hearing person with a hearing problem and didn't want to enter the Deaf World. I thought I was "perfectly" find in the hearing world and could handle a hearing college. (I was so naive!)
I graduated with a BFA in Advertising Design from Moore College of Art and Design (now Moore University of Art) in Philadelphia. This was a small private woman ONLY college. I went there for several reasons but the fact that it was small was the major reason I attended that school. I did not know sign during those 4 years so I depended 100% on lipreading and in a few classes I had note takers. I was the first Deaf student to graduate from Moore. I found out later the college had hesitated accepting me due to that reason but my art teacher in high school gave them a glowing report about my ability to function as a deaf student in a hearing culture so they decided to take the risk.
My absolute worse class was Art History. In that class, we were shown slides and of course the lights were off. I basically taught myself art history by reading the books and memorizing the names, artists and anything related to that painting, drawing, sculpture, etc. I got NOTHING from the professor or the class itself. Another nightmare class was Humanities. That was all talk and incredibly boring for me. I would read the books but completely missed the talk of understanding what I read. I did have a note taker but she was really lousy. I really should have been more bold and asked for a different person but I felt so humbled that this girl was giving up her time to help me that I couldn't hurt her feelings. She had awful English and spelling skills and I'm amazed she was in college in the first place but she was a good artist and that is probably how she got in.
My other classes were art related, hands - on type of classes. We were given a project such as to design an ad for a perfume or a package design for crackers, etc. The following week we would have a critique of everyone's work. I got nothing from the critique except by making up my own opinion of what could be changed, etc. I was not the most skilled drawer or designer in my class but I was not the worse either. I did have a "eye" for design.
One thing about this college was that I was with the same group of girls for four years. I had several good friends there but they were from the dorm and in different majors and different years. I only had one good friend who was in my major and we had all the same classes. Her name was Janice. She was a Christian like me and was very sweet girl helping me and giving me information as far as what our project instructions were, etc. Because of her, I met other Christian girls in college and we hung out together.
As I think back, it amazes me how much I missed. I certainly did not get my money's worth going to college as I didn't have the same advantage as the other girls. But I stuck it out. I managed to get A's in all my art related classes but could only manage C's and D's in my lecture type classes. I'm sure if I did it over again with an interpreter this time, I could have done better and learned much more.
Because it was hard to follow along, I did not participate much during class discussion but I did have a one to one relationship with many of my professors. I would go up after class and ask them questions or confirm that I understood what the assignment was. I had one to one tutoring with my humanities teacher one year and that was very helpful. I am always humbled when people take time out of their day to help me in a personal private way. I had a tendency to think I'm a "pest" or "not worth their time". I did not want to be a "bother". I have since changed that opinion and know I am just as worthy as the next person of this attention.
Life at the dorm was interesting. My first year was rough. My roommate decided during the second half of the year to move to another room. I was shocked and couldn't figure why she liked that girl better than she liked living with me. I never did find out the reason but maybe it was just easier to have a conversation with the hearing roommate than it was the deaf roommate. For awhile I lived alone and I loved that. Eventually another girl moved into my room with me. That was a God "thing" and she and I became best friends and would continue living as roommate for the next two years. Today she is the only one from college that I still keep in touch with now and then. Grace was a huge blessing to my life and taught me much.
Life at college was good. I enjoyed those years of being independent. I was right in the middle of Philadelphia and many times I would just walk in any direction. There is much to see in Philadelphia and I have fond memories of the city. At no time while I was a student in Philadelphia, did I have contact with the Deaf world. There was another hard of hearing student a year younger than me but I was only on a "hi" basis with her. We were never friends as we did not have any classes together.
While I did miss a lot in college, I am still using today what I learned there. It was not a complete loss. I am blessed and thankful I had the opportunity to go. It was my first time in the big wide world away from my family and hometown. It was a great experience. Maybe someday I will go back to college again and this time I will do it right and get an interpreter! That way I will get my money's worth and be on equal footing with my fellow hearing classmates. Yes, a deaf girl can make it through a hearing college.. not easy but possible.
I did indeed consider Gallaudet and RIT for myself when I thinking about college. For different reasons, I decided not to go to either of those schools. Part of the reason was that at that time I still considered myself a hearing person with a hearing problem and didn't want to enter the Deaf World. I thought I was "perfectly" find in the hearing world and could handle a hearing college. (I was so naive!)
I graduated with a BFA in Advertising Design from Moore College of Art and Design (now Moore University of Art) in Philadelphia. This was a small private woman ONLY college. I went there for several reasons but the fact that it was small was the major reason I attended that school. I did not know sign during those 4 years so I depended 100% on lipreading and in a few classes I had note takers. I was the first Deaf student to graduate from Moore. I found out later the college had hesitated accepting me due to that reason but my art teacher in high school gave them a glowing report about my ability to function as a deaf student in a hearing culture so they decided to take the risk.
My absolute worse class was Art History. In that class, we were shown slides and of course the lights were off. I basically taught myself art history by reading the books and memorizing the names, artists and anything related to that painting, drawing, sculpture, etc. I got NOTHING from the professor or the class itself. Another nightmare class was Humanities. That was all talk and incredibly boring for me. I would read the books but completely missed the talk of understanding what I read. I did have a note taker but she was really lousy. I really should have been more bold and asked for a different person but I felt so humbled that this girl was giving up her time to help me that I couldn't hurt her feelings. She had awful English and spelling skills and I'm amazed she was in college in the first place but she was a good artist and that is probably how she got in.
My other classes were art related, hands - on type of classes. We were given a project such as to design an ad for a perfume or a package design for crackers, etc. The following week we would have a critique of everyone's work. I got nothing from the critique except by making up my own opinion of what could be changed, etc. I was not the most skilled drawer or designer in my class but I was not the worse either. I did have a "eye" for design.
One thing about this college was that I was with the same group of girls for four years. I had several good friends there but they were from the dorm and in different majors and different years. I only had one good friend who was in my major and we had all the same classes. Her name was Janice. She was a Christian like me and was very sweet girl helping me and giving me information as far as what our project instructions were, etc. Because of her, I met other Christian girls in college and we hung out together.
As I think back, it amazes me how much I missed. I certainly did not get my money's worth going to college as I didn't have the same advantage as the other girls. But I stuck it out. I managed to get A's in all my art related classes but could only manage C's and D's in my lecture type classes. I'm sure if I did it over again with an interpreter this time, I could have done better and learned much more.
Because it was hard to follow along, I did not participate much during class discussion but I did have a one to one relationship with many of my professors. I would go up after class and ask them questions or confirm that I understood what the assignment was. I had one to one tutoring with my humanities teacher one year and that was very helpful. I am always humbled when people take time out of their day to help me in a personal private way. I had a tendency to think I'm a "pest" or "not worth their time". I did not want to be a "bother". I have since changed that opinion and know I am just as worthy as the next person of this attention.
Life at the dorm was interesting. My first year was rough. My roommate decided during the second half of the year to move to another room. I was shocked and couldn't figure why she liked that girl better than she liked living with me. I never did find out the reason but maybe it was just easier to have a conversation with the hearing roommate than it was the deaf roommate. For awhile I lived alone and I loved that. Eventually another girl moved into my room with me. That was a God "thing" and she and I became best friends and would continue living as roommate for the next two years. Today she is the only one from college that I still keep in touch with now and then. Grace was a huge blessing to my life and taught me much.
Life at college was good. I enjoyed those years of being independent. I was right in the middle of Philadelphia and many times I would just walk in any direction. There is much to see in Philadelphia and I have fond memories of the city. At no time while I was a student in Philadelphia, did I have contact with the Deaf world. There was another hard of hearing student a year younger than me but I was only on a "hi" basis with her. We were never friends as we did not have any classes together.
While I did miss a lot in college, I am still using today what I learned there. It was not a complete loss. I am blessed and thankful I had the opportunity to go. It was my first time in the big wide world away from my family and hometown. It was a great experience. Maybe someday I will go back to college again and this time I will do it right and get an interpreter! That way I will get my money's worth and be on equal footing with my fellow hearing classmates. Yes, a deaf girl can make it through a hearing college.. not easy but possible.
Deaf and on eBay
I have always wondered how many Deaf people sell on eBay. I bet there are more Deaf who buy than sell on eBay. Just my opinion but I could be wrong. I have nothing to back up that opinion. I think eBay is a perfect job for a deaf person who is self motivated enough to work from home and keep busy enough to bring in a good income.
I have been a seller on eBay for 7 years now. Being deaf has nothing to do with that for the most part but one reason I got started with it was because I was frustrated working in the hearing world. I wanted to be my own boss... work my own hours... and not have to deal with communication with the hearing world and co-workers who ignore me.
I had 3 young children when I got started. I had been working outside the home but I did not like my last job. I felt left out. I didn't like seeing my co-workers laughing and having a good time and in my eyes... wasting time.. while I had no idea what they were talking about. They did not include me. I was the company's hardest worker as I focused 100% on my job but I was also very lonely. I had no friends at work. No one ate meals with me. I worked third shift so there were only a few of us. Even then I was mostly ignored. Finally one day I just called and said I was not coming back. I am not a quitter but I did quit that job as it was just making me miserable and that is not worth it to me. My husband was very supportive and we both knew the Lord would provide for our needs.
Since graduating from college, I did do freelance graphic art jobs now and then but it was not steady work. My neighbor and friend Paula introduced me to eBay. I had gotten a new computer with the goal of making it pay for itself. Slowly she taught me how to do this and soon I was on my own. In the beginning, I just sold my children's outgrown clothing and things around the house. Maybe some yard sale finds. It was not a full time job but enough to bring in a little bit of petty cash.
Over the years, this busness has continued to grow but it still has its flow of ups and downs. I don't do much over the summer but concentrate on the other 3 seasons.
Ebay is a good job for a deaf person to try. Its give you equal footing in communication with the majority of the other sellers since its all on the computer and via email. I have done a lot of research on how to do this job to the best of my ability. It is not my goal to be a powerseller as I don't want this to overtake my life - although sometimes it looks that way to my husband! My goal is just to provide excellent customer service and nice products. I now find my products from yard sales, Goodwill stores and other retail stores. I seek out clearance racks. I seek out stores going out of business and buy their reduced items. They have to be 75% off or lower for me to buy them. I have to be able to make a profit as ebay is time consuming. I almost never spend more than $5.00 per item. Thats one of my rules. I have a wide variety of different items in my eBay store.
One of the best deals I ever came across was a Hancock Fabric store that was going out of business. I had been keeping my eye on this store for weeks. I would go in to check their stocks and watch their prices fall. I did not buy anything until the final day when everything was 90% off. I bought bolts of fleece for 50cents a yard. I easily sold these for over $10.00 a yard on ebay. That was a tremendous profit. I still have some of that fleece selling in my eBay store but predict it to sell out very soon as they make wonderful blankets and that is a popular gift item.
My blog is not going to be how to do eBay but now and then I might post an idea or product that can help you in that area.
My ME page on eBay does mention that I am deaf. Several people have contacted me about that and shared stories about deaf people they know in their families, etc. For awhile I was keeping in touch with two deaf friends I met on eBay. We have since fallen out of touch. I would love to find them again.
Two years ago, I opened up my second eBay site. This is for my church. The purpose of that site is to raise money for our building fund. The building we currently meet at is too small for our purposes so we are raising funds to one day buy our own building or rent a larger space. I have given up my time to sell things that members and friends donate for the church's ebay site. So far we have earned over $2000. from items sold on eBay.
Here are the links to the two sites.
My own site is called bienleindesign. The link is: http://search.ebay.com/_W0QQsassZbienleindesign
My church is Lighthouse Chapel of the Deaf. The site ID is Lighthousechapeldeaf. The link is: http://search.ebay.com/_W0QQsassZlighthousechapeldeaf
Come by soon and see what I have! Introduce yourself and tell me you found my eBay store from my blog! I would love to meet you and get to know more deaf people around the world.
If you are also deaf and sell on ebay. Let me know!
I have been a seller on eBay for 7 years now. Being deaf has nothing to do with that for the most part but one reason I got started with it was because I was frustrated working in the hearing world. I wanted to be my own boss... work my own hours... and not have to deal with communication with the hearing world and co-workers who ignore me.
I had 3 young children when I got started. I had been working outside the home but I did not like my last job. I felt left out. I didn't like seeing my co-workers laughing and having a good time and in my eyes... wasting time.. while I had no idea what they were talking about. They did not include me. I was the company's hardest worker as I focused 100% on my job but I was also very lonely. I had no friends at work. No one ate meals with me. I worked third shift so there were only a few of us. Even then I was mostly ignored. Finally one day I just called and said I was not coming back. I am not a quitter but I did quit that job as it was just making me miserable and that is not worth it to me. My husband was very supportive and we both knew the Lord would provide for our needs.
Since graduating from college, I did do freelance graphic art jobs now and then but it was not steady work. My neighbor and friend Paula introduced me to eBay. I had gotten a new computer with the goal of making it pay for itself. Slowly she taught me how to do this and soon I was on my own. In the beginning, I just sold my children's outgrown clothing and things around the house. Maybe some yard sale finds. It was not a full time job but enough to bring in a little bit of petty cash.
Over the years, this busness has continued to grow but it still has its flow of ups and downs. I don't do much over the summer but concentrate on the other 3 seasons.
Ebay is a good job for a deaf person to try. Its give you equal footing in communication with the majority of the other sellers since its all on the computer and via email. I have done a lot of research on how to do this job to the best of my ability. It is not my goal to be a powerseller as I don't want this to overtake my life - although sometimes it looks that way to my husband! My goal is just to provide excellent customer service and nice products. I now find my products from yard sales, Goodwill stores and other retail stores. I seek out clearance racks. I seek out stores going out of business and buy their reduced items. They have to be 75% off or lower for me to buy them. I have to be able to make a profit as ebay is time consuming. I almost never spend more than $5.00 per item. Thats one of my rules. I have a wide variety of different items in my eBay store.
One of the best deals I ever came across was a Hancock Fabric store that was going out of business. I had been keeping my eye on this store for weeks. I would go in to check their stocks and watch their prices fall. I did not buy anything until the final day when everything was 90% off. I bought bolts of fleece for 50cents a yard. I easily sold these for over $10.00 a yard on ebay. That was a tremendous profit. I still have some of that fleece selling in my eBay store but predict it to sell out very soon as they make wonderful blankets and that is a popular gift item.
My blog is not going to be how to do eBay but now and then I might post an idea or product that can help you in that area.
My ME page on eBay does mention that I am deaf. Several people have contacted me about that and shared stories about deaf people they know in their families, etc. For awhile I was keeping in touch with two deaf friends I met on eBay. We have since fallen out of touch. I would love to find them again.
Two years ago, I opened up my second eBay site. This is for my church. The purpose of that site is to raise money for our building fund. The building we currently meet at is too small for our purposes so we are raising funds to one day buy our own building or rent a larger space. I have given up my time to sell things that members and friends donate for the church's ebay site. So far we have earned over $2000. from items sold on eBay.
Here are the links to the two sites.
My own site is called bienleindesign. The link is: http://search.ebay.com/_W0QQsassZbienleindesign
My church is Lighthouse Chapel of the Deaf. The site ID is Lighthousechapeldeaf. The link is: http://search.ebay.com/_W0QQsassZlighthousechapeldeaf
Come by soon and see what I have! Introduce yourself and tell me you found my eBay store from my blog! I would love to meet you and get to know more deaf people around the world.
If you are also deaf and sell on ebay. Let me know!
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Deaf and the Phone
I find it funny now but when I was growing up deaf in a hearing world, my career goal was to become a telephone operator. Doesn't sound like a very exciting job but to me, I thought it would be cool to talk on the phone all day... mostly because it was impossible and would only happen in a dream.
I do remember talking on the phone rarely. I would call my neighbor Catherine to let her know if I needed a ride to the high school for early morning band practice. These were very brief phone calls where I did the majority of the talking. I could barely make out any response but was so proud of myself to make the call on my own. Otherwise I had to ask my mother to make calls for me.
There was no such thing as "relay" or "tty" when I was growing up. I didn't even know what those two words meant. They did not become relevant to me until about 10 years ago. I am thinking of the phone right now because today I had to make several phone calls for different reasons.
About two weeks ago, I got a sorenson 200 VideoPhone installed. This is something my friends have been urging me to get for years but I kept putting it off. I did have dlink for a few months a few years ago but found I didn't use it much and it conflicted with my computer speed so I disconnected it. I much preferred email or fax communication simply because I felt it was faster and it was more convenient for me as I could do either at any time during the day or night... but times change...
I now have VP again and I'm amazed I am using it almost daily. I am beginning to lose my insecurity of the other person not being able to understand me or asking me to repeat, etc. It hasn't happened! AMAZING!!
This morning I called the high school to report that my son was sick and would not be in school today. That took less than a minute altogether. If I had used 711 relay on my computer as I would have done just a month ago, it probably would have taken up to 10 mins to make that call.
However, I still use 711 relay (or sometimes ip-relay) on my computer if I know its going to be a long call and might go through several departments. That way I can do other things while I'm on the "phone" at the same time.. especially if I'm on "hold". Also, if I want a written record of my conversation, I will make the call from my computer.
When relay calls a hearing person, they explain they are calling for a Deaf person and would relay the conversation back and forth. The majority of the people I call have no problem with this idea but now and then you get someone who simply refuses to deal with this and automatically assumes relay is a telemarketing company trying to sell something. Most of these people simply need to be educated. Maybe that was their first experience with a relay operator and they were not sure how to proceed so its easier to just hang up.
But hanging up is extremely rude to a deaf person. If you hang up on me, I will complain. This happened to me today. This afternoon I called a calendar company. I had placed an order for my church two months ago and I was calling to find out how things were proceeding as I've had no communication from them. The first person I called - it was a male (relay tells me if a male or female voice answers). Relay explained how it worked and that male said he could not take non company related calls. I said "This is a company related call". Male: "I cannot talk to you " and he hung up. I was not even given a chance to explain why I was calling. I was not happy. I now had to waste my time recalling this company. This time I asked for customer service. Sandra answered the phone and she was very helpful. She was completely the opposite of the first person I briefly talked to. After Sandra helped me with my calendar related questions, I thanked her and asked her to transfer me to a supervisor. She did. The supervisor was not in her office so I left a message on her machine explaining that the first person hung up on me. After I hung up on that call and disconnected with relay, I remembered that I wanted to put in a good word for Sandra who was so nice to me. So once again I called this company though 711 relay. Again i got the supervisor's answering machine so just left a brief message about how helpful Sandra was. I hope Sandra got a raise or at least a gold star in her records.
I want to mention here that relay is instructed to tell me (the deaf customer) everything they hear. If they hear background noise, they tell me that. If they hear paper shuffling, they tell me that. They tell me if they hear people talking in the background. I have even been told while I was placed on "hold" that the person I was talking to was telling another person in the background that "a dumb deaf person was on the phone and now what do i do?" Oh... I was not happy and when that person came back on the phone, I told her that I "heard" what she said and that I was not "dumb" and if she took the time, we would help her understand how relay works, etc. I then asked to speak to her supervisor and told him what happened. I have no idea what happened to this lady but I'm sure her supervisor had a talk with her.
For the most part my time on the phone is pleasant. Its just now and then you get a jerk who has no patience with relay and they cause delays and problems. I want to compliment all the wonderful relay operators out there. We couldn't do it without you! You make the life of a deaf person much easier and we appreciate your patience with us!
Every Deaf person prefers their own way of communcation. Some prefer face to face. Some prefer videophone. Some prefer email. Some prefer using the tty (which is quickly becoming a dinosaur). There is no right or wrong way. What is important is getting the message across and communicating clear. While I still prefer email as my #1 way to communicate, I'm finding that videophone can be fast and yes, one of the best ways to make sure communication is clear to both people involved - that goes for both hearing and deaf people!
I do remember talking on the phone rarely. I would call my neighbor Catherine to let her know if I needed a ride to the high school for early morning band practice. These were very brief phone calls where I did the majority of the talking. I could barely make out any response but was so proud of myself to make the call on my own. Otherwise I had to ask my mother to make calls for me.
There was no such thing as "relay" or "tty" when I was growing up. I didn't even know what those two words meant. They did not become relevant to me until about 10 years ago. I am thinking of the phone right now because today I had to make several phone calls for different reasons.
About two weeks ago, I got a sorenson 200 VideoPhone installed. This is something my friends have been urging me to get for years but I kept putting it off. I did have dlink for a few months a few years ago but found I didn't use it much and it conflicted with my computer speed so I disconnected it. I much preferred email or fax communication simply because I felt it was faster and it was more convenient for me as I could do either at any time during the day or night... but times change...
I now have VP again and I'm amazed I am using it almost daily. I am beginning to lose my insecurity of the other person not being able to understand me or asking me to repeat, etc. It hasn't happened! AMAZING!!
This morning I called the high school to report that my son was sick and would not be in school today. That took less than a minute altogether. If I had used 711 relay on my computer as I would have done just a month ago, it probably would have taken up to 10 mins to make that call.
However, I still use 711 relay (or sometimes ip-relay) on my computer if I know its going to be a long call and might go through several departments. That way I can do other things while I'm on the "phone" at the same time.. especially if I'm on "hold". Also, if I want a written record of my conversation, I will make the call from my computer.
When relay calls a hearing person, they explain they are calling for a Deaf person and would relay the conversation back and forth. The majority of the people I call have no problem with this idea but now and then you get someone who simply refuses to deal with this and automatically assumes relay is a telemarketing company trying to sell something. Most of these people simply need to be educated. Maybe that was their first experience with a relay operator and they were not sure how to proceed so its easier to just hang up.
But hanging up is extremely rude to a deaf person. If you hang up on me, I will complain. This happened to me today. This afternoon I called a calendar company. I had placed an order for my church two months ago and I was calling to find out how things were proceeding as I've had no communication from them. The first person I called - it was a male (relay tells me if a male or female voice answers). Relay explained how it worked and that male said he could not take non company related calls. I said "This is a company related call". Male: "I cannot talk to you " and he hung up. I was not even given a chance to explain why I was calling. I was not happy. I now had to waste my time recalling this company. This time I asked for customer service. Sandra answered the phone and she was very helpful. She was completely the opposite of the first person I briefly talked to. After Sandra helped me with my calendar related questions, I thanked her and asked her to transfer me to a supervisor. She did. The supervisor was not in her office so I left a message on her machine explaining that the first person hung up on me. After I hung up on that call and disconnected with relay, I remembered that I wanted to put in a good word for Sandra who was so nice to me. So once again I called this company though 711 relay. Again i got the supervisor's answering machine so just left a brief message about how helpful Sandra was. I hope Sandra got a raise or at least a gold star in her records.
I want to mention here that relay is instructed to tell me (the deaf customer) everything they hear. If they hear background noise, they tell me that. If they hear paper shuffling, they tell me that. They tell me if they hear people talking in the background. I have even been told while I was placed on "hold" that the person I was talking to was telling another person in the background that "a dumb deaf person was on the phone and now what do i do?" Oh... I was not happy and when that person came back on the phone, I told her that I "heard" what she said and that I was not "dumb" and if she took the time, we would help her understand how relay works, etc. I then asked to speak to her supervisor and told him what happened. I have no idea what happened to this lady but I'm sure her supervisor had a talk with her.
For the most part my time on the phone is pleasant. Its just now and then you get a jerk who has no patience with relay and they cause delays and problems. I want to compliment all the wonderful relay operators out there. We couldn't do it without you! You make the life of a deaf person much easier and we appreciate your patience with us!
Every Deaf person prefers their own way of communcation. Some prefer face to face. Some prefer videophone. Some prefer email. Some prefer using the tty (which is quickly becoming a dinosaur). There is no right or wrong way. What is important is getting the message across and communicating clear. While I still prefer email as my #1 way to communicate, I'm finding that videophone can be fast and yes, one of the best ways to make sure communication is clear to both people involved - that goes for both hearing and deaf people!
Monday, November 12, 2007
Attending Church as a Deaf Person
I have 2 brothers and 5 sisters. Three of us Deaf. We all grew up in a Christian family. All of us were involved in the church in some way or another. My father was a Sunday School teacher and still is. My mother is involved with the ladies group and "Ugly Quilting" club. My parents are deacons. Today, with the exception of my oldest sister, all of my brothers and sisters and their families remain active in different churches where they live.
Being active in church was always something I did growing up and continues today. I grew up in the Church of the Brethren faith (and the majority of my family still is active at that same church in Akron PA) but since moving to MI, my husband and I have been members of Baptist Churches.
How did that happen? When we moved to MI from PA, we naturally looked first for a Church of the Brethren as that is what we knew. There were no Church of the Brethrens in the area we lived. One day while driving around, we passed New Baltimore Baptist Church and I saw on the sign that it had interpreted services. At this time my husband and I only knew a few signs... not really enough to communicate. We had 3 children by that time. We decided we would stop by the next Sunday and see how it goes. The first Sunday we didn't know which side the Deaf sat and didn't ask. As it happened, we sat on the wrong side but I kept my eyes on the interpreter the whole service. While I didn't know a lot of sign at that time and it was hard to lip read from a distance, it was the first service where I understood the majority of what was being said. After church, we did go over and introduce ourselves. That is how we met the interpreter, Kim.
Kim was one of our first ASL teacher. We took a basic class with her. However, I was the only deaf person in that church who attended regularly so I really still had no other deaf person to practice with. I was still using my voice and depending on my husband and Kim to "hear" me instead of "reading" my signs. I was very insecure with signing and afraid of making mistakes. My finger spelling skills were awful (and that still remains my weak spot).
Eventually we moved again this time an hour north to Flint. There was a Church of the Brethren in the Flint area. But, they did not have a Deaf ministry and now that I had my first exposure of being involved with a church with a Deaf ministry and fully understanding a service, I wanted to continue that. Before we moved, Kim told us about a a Deaf Church in this area. This was also a Southern Baptist church. We decided to check that out. I had contacted the pastor and he told us about a "Fun Day" activity they were having and for us to come by then and we would talk.
"Talk" is something we didn't do much of when we first met. I was overwhelmed and felt completely inadequate with my signing limits. I could barely understand their signs and again... mostly depended on lip reading and body language. We did meet the pastor of the Deaf Church.. Pastor Del Granger. He had just recently broken his leg in a construction related accident and was in a wheelchair. He was warm and approachable. He did make us feel welcomed. He gave us a tour of the church. The Deaf church rented space at a hearing church, Eastgate Baptist Church. I don't think we stayed 15 mins. I wasn't sure if I was ready for this. This seems like a big leap for me. I thought I was comfortable being in the hearing world but if I attended this church, it would be a whole new direction into the deaf world. Was I ready for that??? Did I want to be involved with a whole new culture? Was this where the Lord was leading me? I had always been active in whatever church we attended. Would I find a "place" to serve in a Deaf church when I could barely speak their language? At this time I still viewed myself as a hearing person with a hearing problem. I did not consider myself deaf at all.
My husband and I were not completely comfortable and decided to keep looking for a church. We did check out another church near our home that had a Deaf ministry but something was drawing us back to the first church we attended. My husband was completely supportive about me finding a church where I could be comfortable. My first thought was not about me but that my children be comfortable and want to attend church. It would be nice if we could find a church that served all of our needs.
One Sunday, we decided to go back to Eastgate Baptist Church and attended the morning service so our 3 children could attend the Sunday School class. My husband and I attended the adult class and my husband interpreted the class for me. That was his first experience interpreting. We were both learning at the same time. Eastgate also had interpreted service so I was able to follow them.
The Deaf Church, Lighthouse Chapel of the Deaf had their church services in the same building on Sunday afternoons. One Sunday I decided to attend their worship service. My husband stayed home with the kids (as there was no childcare). I was very nervous but with lipreading and picking out words here and there, I was able to understand the pastor's signing. It was my first exposure to a fully Deaf service all in ASL. I was hooked. Very gradually and over time, my comprehension skills improved and now 9 years later, I can say I am fluent in ASL. I have no problems for the most part understanding another signer (unless they are really sloppy, incomplete or extremely fast). I am also able to sign pretty good myself. I still make LOTS of mistakes. I am still learning correct signs and I still get clumsy and my mind works faster than my hands can keep up. Finger spelling remains my weak point. I will never be considered a native signer. ASL was not my first language. I still have problems remembering to "turn off my voice" and many times I still allow the hearing signer the benefit of "hearing" me instead of being forced to "read" my signs.
I have been attending Lighthouse Chapel of the Deaf for 9 years now. The church is celebrating its 10th anniversary this year. The Lord did have a place for me to serve at this church and I am now the secretary. I am involved in all the activities we do. You can can check out the web site at http://www.lifewaylink.com/lighthousechapelofthedeaf
Just because a person is Deaf doesn't mean he/she doesn't have a place in the church. Most churches have many areas Deaf people can serve. I worked in the nursery for years when my children were younger. I also helped as an assistant Sunday School teacher to children. If you are Deaf, go find a church with a Deaf ministry or a Deaf Church at a Bible believing church in your area. Get involved. Grow close to the Lord. In a future blog, I will discuss my relationship with the Lord. It is because of Him that I am where I am and that it doesn't matter if I was deaf or hearing. He used me to serve and He can use you too! God Bless you!
Being active in church was always something I did growing up and continues today. I grew up in the Church of the Brethren faith (and the majority of my family still is active at that same church in Akron PA) but since moving to MI, my husband and I have been members of Baptist Churches.
How did that happen? When we moved to MI from PA, we naturally looked first for a Church of the Brethren as that is what we knew. There were no Church of the Brethrens in the area we lived. One day while driving around, we passed New Baltimore Baptist Church and I saw on the sign that it had interpreted services. At this time my husband and I only knew a few signs... not really enough to communicate. We had 3 children by that time. We decided we would stop by the next Sunday and see how it goes. The first Sunday we didn't know which side the Deaf sat and didn't ask. As it happened, we sat on the wrong side but I kept my eyes on the interpreter the whole service. While I didn't know a lot of sign at that time and it was hard to lip read from a distance, it was the first service where I understood the majority of what was being said. After church, we did go over and introduce ourselves. That is how we met the interpreter, Kim.
Kim was one of our first ASL teacher. We took a basic class with her. However, I was the only deaf person in that church who attended regularly so I really still had no other deaf person to practice with. I was still using my voice and depending on my husband and Kim to "hear" me instead of "reading" my signs. I was very insecure with signing and afraid of making mistakes. My finger spelling skills were awful (and that still remains my weak spot).
Eventually we moved again this time an hour north to Flint. There was a Church of the Brethren in the Flint area. But, they did not have a Deaf ministry and now that I had my first exposure of being involved with a church with a Deaf ministry and fully understanding a service, I wanted to continue that. Before we moved, Kim told us about a a Deaf Church in this area. This was also a Southern Baptist church. We decided to check that out. I had contacted the pastor and he told us about a "Fun Day" activity they were having and for us to come by then and we would talk.
"Talk" is something we didn't do much of when we first met. I was overwhelmed and felt completely inadequate with my signing limits. I could barely understand their signs and again... mostly depended on lip reading and body language. We did meet the pastor of the Deaf Church.. Pastor Del Granger. He had just recently broken his leg in a construction related accident and was in a wheelchair. He was warm and approachable. He did make us feel welcomed. He gave us a tour of the church. The Deaf church rented space at a hearing church, Eastgate Baptist Church. I don't think we stayed 15 mins. I wasn't sure if I was ready for this. This seems like a big leap for me. I thought I was comfortable being in the hearing world but if I attended this church, it would be a whole new direction into the deaf world. Was I ready for that??? Did I want to be involved with a whole new culture? Was this where the Lord was leading me? I had always been active in whatever church we attended. Would I find a "place" to serve in a Deaf church when I could barely speak their language? At this time I still viewed myself as a hearing person with a hearing problem. I did not consider myself deaf at all.
My husband and I were not completely comfortable and decided to keep looking for a church. We did check out another church near our home that had a Deaf ministry but something was drawing us back to the first church we attended. My husband was completely supportive about me finding a church where I could be comfortable. My first thought was not about me but that my children be comfortable and want to attend church. It would be nice if we could find a church that served all of our needs.
One Sunday, we decided to go back to Eastgate Baptist Church and attended the morning service so our 3 children could attend the Sunday School class. My husband and I attended the adult class and my husband interpreted the class for me. That was his first experience interpreting. We were both learning at the same time. Eastgate also had interpreted service so I was able to follow them.
The Deaf Church, Lighthouse Chapel of the Deaf had their church services in the same building on Sunday afternoons. One Sunday I decided to attend their worship service. My husband stayed home with the kids (as there was no childcare). I was very nervous but with lipreading and picking out words here and there, I was able to understand the pastor's signing. It was my first exposure to a fully Deaf service all in ASL. I was hooked. Very gradually and over time, my comprehension skills improved and now 9 years later, I can say I am fluent in ASL. I have no problems for the most part understanding another signer (unless they are really sloppy, incomplete or extremely fast). I am also able to sign pretty good myself. I still make LOTS of mistakes. I am still learning correct signs and I still get clumsy and my mind works faster than my hands can keep up. Finger spelling remains my weak point. I will never be considered a native signer. ASL was not my first language. I still have problems remembering to "turn off my voice" and many times I still allow the hearing signer the benefit of "hearing" me instead of being forced to "read" my signs.
I have been attending Lighthouse Chapel of the Deaf for 9 years now. The church is celebrating its 10th anniversary this year. The Lord did have a place for me to serve at this church and I am now the secretary. I am involved in all the activities we do. You can can check out the web site at http://www.lifewaylink.com/lighthousechapelofthedeaf
Just because a person is Deaf doesn't mean he/she doesn't have a place in the church. Most churches have many areas Deaf people can serve. I worked in the nursery for years when my children were younger. I also helped as an assistant Sunday School teacher to children. If you are Deaf, go find a church with a Deaf ministry or a Deaf Church at a Bible believing church in your area. Get involved. Grow close to the Lord. In a future blog, I will discuss my relationship with the Lord. It is because of Him that I am where I am and that it doesn't matter if I was deaf or hearing. He used me to serve and He can use you too! God Bless you!
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Deaf and Lipreading
Do Deaf people lipread? Do Hearing people lipread? ummmmm good question.
I'm deaf. Do I lipread? Yes and no. I'm going to quote a good friend here..."depends on the lips"! That's what it really comes down to. It depends on if I can be successful at figuring out what the other person is saying by reading their lips.
I'm deaf. Do I lipread? Yes and no. I'm going to quote a good friend here..."depends on the lips"! That's what it really comes down to. It depends on if I can be successful at figuring out what the other person is saying by reading their lips.
I want to point out here that everything I write in my blog is from my own personal perspective or experiences. I am not writing for ALL deaf people and what happens to me does not happen to ALL deaf people. Each of us are different. We grew up in different environments and all have different experiences. That said.. please note that just because I can lipread, it does not mean that ALL deaf people have the ability or need to lip read. If they grew up in a signing environment or Deaf culture, they probably had no need to learn how to lipread as they could communicate via signing.
Some hearing people have the most annoying habit. I know they mean well but really, its the worst thing they should do.. when they talk to a deaf person, the OVER E X A G G E R A T E their mouths and talk really S L O W and increase their volume all at the same time. Now how does that help a deaf person understand what they are saying? All we see is distorted mouth movements and weird looking faces. Not very attractive!
If you are hearing and reading this.. I ask on behalf of ALL deaf people... please do not do that... please talk NORMAL... You might want to slow down a little if you are a fast talker but there is absolutely no need to over exaggerate your mouth movements. That is very distracting and makes it even more difficult for a deaf person to lipread you. There is also no need to raise your voice. We are deaf. We do not hear you if you are talking in a whisper or a scream or anything in between. Just talk as you would normally but... one very important thing to remember... you need to face the deaf person. We must be able to see your face and in good lighting too. We cannot lipread the back of your head or lipread in the dark.
I had been asking my family members about my growing up years. Both my oldest sister who is deaf and my mother commenting that I did not have very good lipreading skills growing up. I had to struggle. I have crease lines between my eyes from trying to concentrate on figuring out what was going on by lipreading the whole time I grew up.
It amazes me now as I look back how I managed to get through public hearing school and also hearing college. I did not know any sign during those years. It was 100% oral. 100% lipreading. I can't begin to imagine how much I missed. This is part of the reason I am naive in a lot of ways now at this older age.
My teachers did not make it easy for me either. Most of the time I was forgotten. I was not very outspoken, confident, bold or demanding in those years. I wanted so much to be "normal and hearing", I just became a part of the group and overlooked my own needs. The teachers would walk around the room while I'm trying to swivel on my chair to keep them in my view... they would talk while writing on the blackboard as if I could lipread the back of their heads...I completely was lost when any classmates made comments. Mostly because by the time I turned around to find out who was talking, they were done and distance also made it harder to lipread. I spent a lot of time thinking whatever was being said mustn't be very important and just brush it off. Many times I would just give up. I would just stare straight ahead and just teach myself.
I was a avid reader. I would read anything I could get my hands on. That is how I got through school and college. I basically taught myself by reading. I would spend a lot of time in the library and all the librarians knew me by name. In this way, I got grades as good as the majority of my classmates. I was always an A to C student. I rarely got anything lower than a C except in Math which was my very worse subject that i just could not understand and it was one of those subjects I could not teach myself
"Depends on the lips". Yep.... ever notice how different people's lips are. So many different sizes and shapes. Some men cover their lips with facial hair. I can pretty much rule them out as impossible to lipread before they say a word. My husband has a mustache and he knows he needs to keep it trimmed for my sake. Some people barely move their mouths when they speak. They are also pretty much ruled out as impossible. Some people are "all teeth". wow... these are toughies.. as all I see is the teeth! Some ladies wear too much lipstick and that is distracting too... especially if they have some on their teeth too! I am finding out that braces make it harder. My middle son just got braces this summer. This is new for both of us. First I have to get used to him having braces in the first place and then I have to work out a new way to lipread him. I have been on his back about signing to me more and making me work at lipreading him less. He is making a little progress but falls back into bad habits easily.
Lipreading really is a skill. Some people have it. Some people do not. Yes it can be learned with years of practice but it is not a perfect way to communicate. As I grew up deaf in a hearing world, I had no choice. It was the only way I could communicate but that does not mean I am an expert. Far from it. My two sisters who are deaf are both more skilled at lipreading than I will ever be. Today I depend on ASL communication as well as lipreading. The two together work perfectly for me. I can now fully communicate with other Deaf. But the hearing I still struggle with. I will TRY to lipread but after a few words, I know if its possible or not. If its impossible, I will have to ask them to repeat. After two repeats and I still do not understand, I will ask them to write it down for me. Most of the time hearing people write it down after the first repeat i don't understand.
One last comment on this subject. Lipreading is not all just "reading lips". It is also body language. When I'm lipreading, I am also body reading. I can tell a lot about what a person is saying by the way they are using their hands... the way their shoulders are moving up and down... the way their eyes and eye brows are moving, etc and just their whole attitude. When you speak - doesn't matter if you are deaf or hearing - your whole body speaks too. Now that is something both deaf and hearing people need to keep in mind!
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
The Hazards of Being Deaf
Everyday we (both deaf and hearing) do routine things without thinking about them. Many of those things involve noise that help the hearing remember to do the next step but the deaf don't have that advantage. Sometimes they miss that "last" step because they simply forgot or were in hurry. Let me share a few examples of what I'm talking about.
The Deaf Church I attend (Lighthouse Chapel of the Deaf in Flint Michigan) rents space in the Genesee Co Baptist Association building. The building is made up with two sides. The association uses one side for their offices, etc and we use the other side as well as a Korean Church that meets there as well. The Koreans use the church Sunday mornings and the Deaf use the church Sunday afternoons/evenings. There is one bathroom on the association side and one bathroom on the church side of the building. The men use one side and the ladies use the other side.
As I am secretary for this church, I do have a key and am in close contact with Jim, the director. He keeps me informed of things related to the building, etc. This past Monday morning, I got an email from Jim. He had come to work to find that the person who last used the men's bathroom left the water facet running at full blast. OH NO! We are thankful the plug was not down so there was no damage with the exception of wasted water and a higher water bill coming next month. Jim understands the deaf man didn't hear that running water and just forgot to turn it off after using it. The Deaf church will help cover the extra cost on the water bill and I will now try to remember to check both bathrooms before we lock up. I have done this same thing myself a few times.
My husband (who is hearing) would come home from work and ask me...why is the water running in the bathroom or kitchen sink? OOPS!
This is one hazard of being deaf. A hearing person would hear the water and it would remind them mentally to turn it off. The Deaf person has to remember he turned it on in the first place or see it running with their eyes to remind them to turn it off again.
I have another example that maybe hearing people are guilty of too...
A deaf person is driving their car. They arrive where they were going. They put the gear in PARK.. get their things....get out of the car... push down the lock button...close the door and OH NO!!! They left their keys inside the car and left the car running too! They forgot to turn the car off and remove their keys before exiting the car.
This happened to several deaf people I know. The first one had no choice but to call the police and ask them to try to unlock the door so she could turn off her car and get her keys. It depends on the town.. sometimes the police will do that as a service. Other times they say no and the deaf person is forced to call and pay for the service of a locksmith. The second person called her husband to come with his set of keys. Both of these incidents involved waiting for the other person to show up. In the meantime their car is running and consuming gas. One time another friend had to leave her car running for several hours before help came. She has done this so many times, the police in her town know who she is. She has since taped a second key underneath her car in an unknown location. That way if she does this again, she has a second key available. WHEW!
That was another example that the hearing person will hear their car is running and it reminds them to remove the key. They also will hear the chiming if they open the door with the key still in the ignition. This is a huge advantage the deaf do not have. I wonder if there are any car models out there that have a blinking light when the keys are left in the ignition. That would be a valuable assistant to deaf drivers.
The same goes for turn signals. Hearing people hear the chime but the deaf do not and if they forget to turn their turn signals off they can drive miles before realizing it. That is confusing to the people driving behind them but deaf people are very good drivers for the most part. Sometimes they wander on the road if they are signing to passengers and driving at the same time. They often come across as driving drunk but they are not. Some deaf people really frighten me with their jerkiness while driving as they try to stay in their lane while holding an animated conversation at the same time. That is not safe and some deaf are not able to do both at the same time. Driving is very visual and most Deaf are very good at keeping an eye on things around them.
That includes looking for emergency vehicles. One of our biggest fears is running into an emergency vehicle at a cross road so most of the Deaf are more cautious entering cross roads especially if they are first at the light. Sometimes accidents do happen and I do know of a deaf person who was hit by an ambulance when he drove into a cross street unaware there was a speeding ambulance with siren screaming heading his way. Hearing people hear the siren and that gives them a heads up to be more alert. There are now some cities that have a flashing light at intersections. When a rescue vehicle is coming that way, that light will flash to make all (deaf and hearing) people aware of the danger. Unfortunately, this system is not available everywhere but hopefully as time goes by, it will be attached to all red lights at all intersections. That will keep both deaf and hearing people safer.
The Deaf Church I attend (Lighthouse Chapel of the Deaf in Flint Michigan) rents space in the Genesee Co Baptist Association building. The building is made up with two sides. The association uses one side for their offices, etc and we use the other side as well as a Korean Church that meets there as well. The Koreans use the church Sunday mornings and the Deaf use the church Sunday afternoons/evenings. There is one bathroom on the association side and one bathroom on the church side of the building. The men use one side and the ladies use the other side.
As I am secretary for this church, I do have a key and am in close contact with Jim, the director. He keeps me informed of things related to the building, etc. This past Monday morning, I got an email from Jim. He had come to work to find that the person who last used the men's bathroom left the water facet running at full blast. OH NO! We are thankful the plug was not down so there was no damage with the exception of wasted water and a higher water bill coming next month. Jim understands the deaf man didn't hear that running water and just forgot to turn it off after using it. The Deaf church will help cover the extra cost on the water bill and I will now try to remember to check both bathrooms before we lock up. I have done this same thing myself a few times.
My husband (who is hearing) would come home from work and ask me...why is the water running in the bathroom or kitchen sink? OOPS!
This is one hazard of being deaf. A hearing person would hear the water and it would remind them mentally to turn it off. The Deaf person has to remember he turned it on in the first place or see it running with their eyes to remind them to turn it off again.
I have another example that maybe hearing people are guilty of too...
A deaf person is driving their car. They arrive where they were going. They put the gear in PARK.. get their things....get out of the car... push down the lock button...close the door and OH NO!!! They left their keys inside the car and left the car running too! They forgot to turn the car off and remove their keys before exiting the car.
This happened to several deaf people I know. The first one had no choice but to call the police and ask them to try to unlock the door so she could turn off her car and get her keys. It depends on the town.. sometimes the police will do that as a service. Other times they say no and the deaf person is forced to call and pay for the service of a locksmith. The second person called her husband to come with his set of keys. Both of these incidents involved waiting for the other person to show up. In the meantime their car is running and consuming gas. One time another friend had to leave her car running for several hours before help came. She has done this so many times, the police in her town know who she is. She has since taped a second key underneath her car in an unknown location. That way if she does this again, she has a second key available. WHEW!
That was another example that the hearing person will hear their car is running and it reminds them to remove the key. They also will hear the chiming if they open the door with the key still in the ignition. This is a huge advantage the deaf do not have. I wonder if there are any car models out there that have a blinking light when the keys are left in the ignition. That would be a valuable assistant to deaf drivers.
The same goes for turn signals. Hearing people hear the chime but the deaf do not and if they forget to turn their turn signals off they can drive miles before realizing it. That is confusing to the people driving behind them but deaf people are very good drivers for the most part. Sometimes they wander on the road if they are signing to passengers and driving at the same time. They often come across as driving drunk but they are not. Some deaf people really frighten me with their jerkiness while driving as they try to stay in their lane while holding an animated conversation at the same time. That is not safe and some deaf are not able to do both at the same time. Driving is very visual and most Deaf are very good at keeping an eye on things around them.
That includes looking for emergency vehicles. One of our biggest fears is running into an emergency vehicle at a cross road so most of the Deaf are more cautious entering cross roads especially if they are first at the light. Sometimes accidents do happen and I do know of a deaf person who was hit by an ambulance when he drove into a cross street unaware there was a speeding ambulance with siren screaming heading his way. Hearing people hear the siren and that gives them a heads up to be more alert. There are now some cities that have a flashing light at intersections. When a rescue vehicle is coming that way, that light will flash to make all (deaf and hearing) people aware of the danger. Unfortunately, this system is not available everywhere but hopefully as time goes by, it will be attached to all red lights at all intersections. That will keep both deaf and hearing people safer.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Being Deaf and Different
Growing up deaf in a hearing world meant I grew up in a different world from many other deaf kids. Yes, some of the other kids also grew up in an oral hearing enviroment but the majority of the deaf children back in the 60s-70s when I was in school attended their state Deaf school. The majority of those kids attended the Deaf school Monday to Friday and then went home for the weekend. If they lived too far from the school, they only went home on holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter. The school became their family.
I never had that. I was never away from my home or family for long. Every summer I attended our church camp for one week and that was the longest I was away from home. It was a rare thing for me to sleep over at a friend's house. I can only remember once when that happened. I was invited to a slumber party. That was a diaster for me.
I really was not a close friend with the person who invited me. Her name was Susan but I was so excited to actually be invited to go to a friend's house and overnight too! I don't remember much of what we did. What I do remember is the other girls chit chatting in the dark. I have no idea what happens in the dark and of course, being totally bored, I fell asleep and completely missed what the other girls were doing during that night. They never woke me up to include me. I was not missed. They were awake the entire night just talking and fooling around.
I recall the same thing happening during church camp. There would be about 8-10 girls in the cabin. I always picked a top bunk bed. I would be aware of the other girls talking after lights were out but completely not involved. More than once, I have cried myself to sleep feeling sorry for myself not being able to join the others. I hated being different the whole time I was a child until I was in my 20s.
For the most part I could pass as a hearing person but once its dark and the lights are turned off... or a group discussion is started... or just too many people talking at the same time... I become different and become an "outsider". I am no longer involved with the group although I am still there physically.
I had a very bad habit during my younger years of making it look like I was involved. I would pretend to be "listening" - trying to lip-read and trying to catch a word here or there. I would laugh when other laughed but had no idea what they or I was laughing at. I would follow the group but would have no idea where we were going until we got there. I was a fraud. I was passing myself off as a hearing person and was actually doing a very good job at it but in the process I was deeply hurting myself. I was not being truthful to who I was... who God created me to be.
Boy I was mad at God growing up. It was a daily night time prayer for me to beg God to "heal me". I just knew He made a mistake and needed to "fix" it. I would ask that He do a miracle on me while I was sleeping and when I woke up I would be hearing! I would be "normal" and I would NOT be "different" anymore!! That was my dream.
Well, obviously that "miracle" never happened and now that I'm much older, I understand God's purpose for my life. I was meant to be Deaf and God is using me in amazing ways. I no longer pray to be a "hearing" person. Now my prayer is that God use me just the way He created me. I'm not going to ask Him to change who He made me be. He sees the bigger picture and knows my future. He knows I can only serve Him best as a Deaf person.
I will share in a future blog the many different ways God is using me now. I know I would never had had these experiences if I was a "hearing" person so I am blessed. I am happy and I am ever grateful that my childhood prayer of "just wanting to be normal" was a prayer that God did in deed answer. I am a happy deaf person now.
I never had that. I was never away from my home or family for long. Every summer I attended our church camp for one week and that was the longest I was away from home. It was a rare thing for me to sleep over at a friend's house. I can only remember once when that happened. I was invited to a slumber party. That was a diaster for me.
I really was not a close friend with the person who invited me. Her name was Susan but I was so excited to actually be invited to go to a friend's house and overnight too! I don't remember much of what we did. What I do remember is the other girls chit chatting in the dark. I have no idea what happens in the dark and of course, being totally bored, I fell asleep and completely missed what the other girls were doing during that night. They never woke me up to include me. I was not missed. They were awake the entire night just talking and fooling around.
I recall the same thing happening during church camp. There would be about 8-10 girls in the cabin. I always picked a top bunk bed. I would be aware of the other girls talking after lights were out but completely not involved. More than once, I have cried myself to sleep feeling sorry for myself not being able to join the others. I hated being different the whole time I was a child until I was in my 20s.
For the most part I could pass as a hearing person but once its dark and the lights are turned off... or a group discussion is started... or just too many people talking at the same time... I become different and become an "outsider". I am no longer involved with the group although I am still there physically.
I had a very bad habit during my younger years of making it look like I was involved. I would pretend to be "listening" - trying to lip-read and trying to catch a word here or there. I would laugh when other laughed but had no idea what they or I was laughing at. I would follow the group but would have no idea where we were going until we got there. I was a fraud. I was passing myself off as a hearing person and was actually doing a very good job at it but in the process I was deeply hurting myself. I was not being truthful to who I was... who God created me to be.
Boy I was mad at God growing up. It was a daily night time prayer for me to beg God to "heal me". I just knew He made a mistake and needed to "fix" it. I would ask that He do a miracle on me while I was sleeping and when I woke up I would be hearing! I would be "normal" and I would NOT be "different" anymore!! That was my dream.
Well, obviously that "miracle" never happened and now that I'm much older, I understand God's purpose for my life. I was meant to be Deaf and God is using me in amazing ways. I no longer pray to be a "hearing" person. Now my prayer is that God use me just the way He created me. I'm not going to ask Him to change who He made me be. He sees the bigger picture and knows my future. He knows I can only serve Him best as a Deaf person.
I will share in a future blog the many different ways God is using me now. I know I would never had had these experiences if I was a "hearing" person so I am blessed. I am happy and I am ever grateful that my childhood prayer of "just wanting to be normal" was a prayer that God did in deed answer. I am a happy deaf person now.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Being Deaf and Having Friends
Although I am deaf, my daughter who is 12 is hearing. Watching her grow up makes me think back to when I was her age. One of my daughter's favorite things to do is talk on the phone. It's usually to one of two of her girlfriends. Her one friend just happens to be the daughter of one of my good friends. My friend is also deaf but her daughter is hearing. Our daughters met when they were 3 years old at Deaf camp and are growing up together as CODAs (Children of Deaf Adults). While we do not live near each other, the girls see each other at least once a month at the various activities we have with our churches and deaf ministries.
Anyways... I talk to my friend just about every day via email and I.M. I was commenting to her about how much time our daughters spend on the telephone almost every evening and what in the world did they talk about? It is something my friend and I never experienced when we were 12 years old. Back then (in the 60s and 70s) there were no computers. There were no sidekicks. There were no VideoPhones. There were no TTYs. We didn't even have captioned TV growing up. So.. how did we associate with our friends? For myself, I only saw my friends at school. We had no association with each other after school or weekends or during the summer.
Thinking back, I was a pretty lonely kid in school. I did not make friends easily as most of the kids were not patient enough to make the effort to communicate with me. I can only think of one friend I had in elementary school. Her name was Tami. She was not a best friend or anything like that. In fact, I could hardly understand her when she talked but she was someone to hang around with and sit with on the bus. She also had one thing in common with me. She was in the school band. She played the flute. I played the clarinet.
Now how does a deaf girl play a musical instument? Well...that's pretty funny really as I never did actually play it. I was terrible at this. The only benefit I got from playing the clarinet is that it taught me how to read music. So today I can still get a general idea of the tune by reading the notes. I only joined the band for two reasons.. first I wanted to belong to a group. Have something in common with other people. I wanted to prove to people I was "normal" and could do "hearing" things. Secondly, I wanted to go to the football games and have an excuse not to have to work at my father's store every Saturday afternoon for four years.
I was often left out during elementary school years. I would not be called on during class as people couldn't understand me. I would often be one of the last called to join a group if teams were selected. I was one of the larger, taller girls in my class so I had a little bit of athletic ability. I was a little Tom boyish and could play a good game of baseball or dodge ball. In high school I joined the track team for the very same reasons I joined the band. I wanted to be part of a group and I wanted an excuse not to work in my father's store after school every day.
But even though I was part of the band and track team, I still has very few friends in either group. I have a very hard time with group situations (and today I am the opposite and shy from them). I am totally lost with the conversations flowing and I remember sitting on the bus going to the football games and the track meets just staring out the window and was never a part of the group mentality. I was ignored. It amazes me that I never quit either of these groups but was involved until I graduated. I was never a "star" in either of these groups and never really included but I guess its an accomplishment that I stuck it out. I'm not a quitter.
As I think back growing up deaf, I realized that while I had very few, if any, good friends my age, I did associate with adults. I can remember many adults during my growing up years who made an impact on me. They took the time to have one to one conversations with me and helped me with my homework or whatever. I think if adults had not taken the time to befriend me, my childhood would have been a very different story. Yes, I was very lonely growing up but because some adults took an interest in me and gave me one to one attention, I thrived and did as well as any of my hearing classmates in most of my classes.
I will talk more about school years in a future blog. I want to say right now... if you are reading this and know of a deaf child who is growing up in a hearing world, please befriend that child... you just might make a difference in their life. If they lack communication skills, they most certainly are also lacking friends their own age. Children can be very cruel with teasing those who are different. Take the time and give that deaf child some of your attention. Do your best to communicate so the child can understand you. Make him/her feel she is a worthy person and just as good as any hearing person. More than anything, deaf people do not like feeling they are second class citizens and looked down on. We are just as good as hearing people. I proved it growing up deaf in a hearing world.
Anyways... I talk to my friend just about every day via email and I.M. I was commenting to her about how much time our daughters spend on the telephone almost every evening and what in the world did they talk about? It is something my friend and I never experienced when we were 12 years old. Back then (in the 60s and 70s) there were no computers. There were no sidekicks. There were no VideoPhones. There were no TTYs. We didn't even have captioned TV growing up. So.. how did we associate with our friends? For myself, I only saw my friends at school. We had no association with each other after school or weekends or during the summer.
Thinking back, I was a pretty lonely kid in school. I did not make friends easily as most of the kids were not patient enough to make the effort to communicate with me. I can only think of one friend I had in elementary school. Her name was Tami. She was not a best friend or anything like that. In fact, I could hardly understand her when she talked but she was someone to hang around with and sit with on the bus. She also had one thing in common with me. She was in the school band. She played the flute. I played the clarinet.
Now how does a deaf girl play a musical instument? Well...that's pretty funny really as I never did actually play it. I was terrible at this. The only benefit I got from playing the clarinet is that it taught me how to read music. So today I can still get a general idea of the tune by reading the notes. I only joined the band for two reasons.. first I wanted to belong to a group. Have something in common with other people. I wanted to prove to people I was "normal" and could do "hearing" things. Secondly, I wanted to go to the football games and have an excuse not to have to work at my father's store every Saturday afternoon for four years.
I was often left out during elementary school years. I would not be called on during class as people couldn't understand me. I would often be one of the last called to join a group if teams were selected. I was one of the larger, taller girls in my class so I had a little bit of athletic ability. I was a little Tom boyish and could play a good game of baseball or dodge ball. In high school I joined the track team for the very same reasons I joined the band. I wanted to be part of a group and I wanted an excuse not to work in my father's store after school every day.
But even though I was part of the band and track team, I still has very few friends in either group. I have a very hard time with group situations (and today I am the opposite and shy from them). I am totally lost with the conversations flowing and I remember sitting on the bus going to the football games and the track meets just staring out the window and was never a part of the group mentality. I was ignored. It amazes me that I never quit either of these groups but was involved until I graduated. I was never a "star" in either of these groups and never really included but I guess its an accomplishment that I stuck it out. I'm not a quitter.
As I think back growing up deaf, I realized that while I had very few, if any, good friends my age, I did associate with adults. I can remember many adults during my growing up years who made an impact on me. They took the time to have one to one conversations with me and helped me with my homework or whatever. I think if adults had not taken the time to befriend me, my childhood would have been a very different story. Yes, I was very lonely growing up but because some adults took an interest in me and gave me one to one attention, I thrived and did as well as any of my hearing classmates in most of my classes.
I will talk more about school years in a future blog. I want to say right now... if you are reading this and know of a deaf child who is growing up in a hearing world, please befriend that child... you just might make a difference in their life. If they lack communication skills, they most certainly are also lacking friends their own age. Children can be very cruel with teasing those who are different. Take the time and give that deaf child some of your attention. Do your best to communicate so the child can understand you. Make him/her feel she is a worthy person and just as good as any hearing person. More than anything, deaf people do not like feeling they are second class citizens and looked down on. We are just as good as hearing people. I proved it growing up deaf in a hearing world.
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